i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
