my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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