I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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