Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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