At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
