4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
In America we eat man semen.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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