Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
