She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
