He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
