Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
