are you so shy because you have an std?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
