thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
