You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
