Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
