My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
