last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
