and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
