Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
