My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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