YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
