This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
