i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
