I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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