Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
