Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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