Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You ruined the universe
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
