youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
