I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
