I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
