When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
