I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
