Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I die, sorry about rent.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
