Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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