summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
