Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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