in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i think i just lost a toe
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
