Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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