Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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