Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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