You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
