it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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