i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
