i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
