Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
