yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
