well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
