My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
