Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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