I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I had to cum in my sink.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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