break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
