yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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