Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
