I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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